


Access new memories

by hellsheep



Category: ELEX (Video Game)
Genre: Elex Clerics, Elex addiction, M/M, Some Fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-08
Updated: 2018-03-20
Packaged: 2019-02-12 04:02:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12950886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hellsheep/pseuds/hellsheep
Summary: Formally Alb Commander Jax struggels with his Elex detox. Slowly he needs to learn how to get along with something very new to him: emotions. But he's not the only one who needs to learn what it means to be human.





	1. Just a joke

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not entirly sure where I'm heading with this. So far it will be a series of ficlets that follow my story/game in Elex. I have finished the game yet so beware of spoilers if you haven't. These short fics will follow the journey of "my" Jax and at the start of each I will always write a short note at what point of the story he is. I do this so you can avoid to spoiler yourself with quests you haven't done yet and because the fics may not be in chronological order. It will have much companion interaction and there will be Falk/Jax fluff. You've been warned ;)  
> Thank you for reading! Please note that english isn't my native language so please forgive me my mistakes - but feel free to show them to me!
> 
> The first short story takes place after completing Falks personal quest but otherwise pretty early in the game.

 

_I leave my life behind, ruined by my hand_

_No-one to blame this time, I'm forsaken in this land_

_And everything is changing_

_All around it's blazing._

**Nik Ammar – The Burnin'**

 

* * *

 

 

 

While sitting around the campfire and munching some meat, Jax watched Falk deep in thought. That dork could've died today. It has been freaking close. And even though Konrad said something about ' _not having to worry about it cause he's only a machine'_ Jax was worried. Which was strange. To worry about something or someone was new to him. He didn't like that feeling. Made him weak. He also didn't like that Falk was sitting at the campfire, watching the starry nightsky like nothing happened. Not like he had a big, fat bandage around his chest. Not like he's been on the brink of death.

“... and these so called zodiac signs were used in the old newspapers for some kind of interesting fortune telling. I think stars are magnificent and fascinating”, Falk told Caja and pointed at the sky.

“I think they are simply beautiful”, Caja said.

 

Maybe Jax didn't even realize that he kept staring at Falk, but others sure did.

Ray cracked a mischievous smile. Seeing Jax deep in thought usually meant he was brooding over some newly discovered feelings. Seems like Ice Boy was melting after all.

 

Eventually Falk caught Jax starring. Curiously he turned to the former Alb commander and studied his face.

“Jax”, he said, watching him in silence for a few seconds while Jax got pulled out of his brooding and thinking. “I notice that you have magnificent eyes.”

Duras spurted the sip of beer he's been drinking into Cajas face and Ray immediately burst from laughter. Jax' eyes widened, maybe from embarrassment, maybe from confusion. Falk on the other hand couldn't understand why his words should've been funny. Duras was busy trying to breath again, Ray couldn't stop laughing and even Caja smiled, while she wiped her face.

“What? That's just a fact”, Falk said completely oblivious. “Magnificent just like the stars-” - “Dude, dude, stop!”, Ray said, wiping a tear from his eye, “I can't breath!”

Jax grunted. Anger and embarrassment formed in him and he didn't even know why. Stupid feeling shit. But there was something else. He was... flattered? Maybe? He didn't know.

The headaches got worse; the Elex detox. “I don't have time for your stupid jokes”, Jax grunted and got up to make his way up to a little creek. Maybe some cold water would help him.

 

Falk turned to Caja and shrugged. He seemed confused. “I wasn't joking. I'm not good at telling jokes.” Caja hid her wide grin behind a bottle of water. “I know, I know... but it was funny nevertheless. You're the only one who's able to get Jax out of his little shell. And this is just... funny to see, you know?”

 

_Magnificent eyes._ Oh boy. Jax was watching his mirror image in the water of the creek. There was nothing _magnificent_ on that scarred, stern face. He shook his head and splashed water in his face, distorting his mirror-self.

“That was funny” he heard a voice next to him.

Jax wasn't easy to startle and so he just turned his head with a deep sigh and saw Ray.

“What do you want, Outlaw”, he grunted.

“You don't look so well, Boss. Something on your mind?”

At first, Jax didn't answer. He just splashed another wave of cold water into his face, but it didn't do much.”Nothing. My head's a bit... well whatever. What do _you_ even care?”

Ray shrugged and pulled out something from his jacket. “Let me care all I want. Maybe this'll help, hm?” he said and shook an Elexpotion between his fingers. Jax barley suppressed the urge to grab the little flask in Rays hand. He took a deep breath.

“Hand it over.”

“Just when you tell me whats really turning your head around.” Jax just grimaced angry so Ray turned the Potion quickly over. “Okay, okay. No need to tell me anything. Just thought you maybe want to _talk_. People talk, you know?”

“Yeah”, Jax grunted, “They do all the time.”

And with these words he chugged down the potion.

Oh sweet, cold Elexrelief. The constant humming between his ears didn't stop, but it calmed down a lot. And not only the headache: the confusion, the embarrassment, the anger and this other feeling he couldn't even name also went silent. Like they got buried under snow and ice. His thoughts became clear again. His focus. It must've been a strong Elexpotion; Jax didn't even want to know where Ray got it.

“Thank you”, he said blunt, “that helped indeed.” And with these words Jax left Ray alone again.

Konrad was right. He could look like a human, act like a human, even think like a human but after all... Falk was just a mere machine.

Nothing else.

 

 


	2. A question

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Falk asks Jax a rather simple question.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It takes place after Jax decided to join the clerics and climbed their ranks and after Nasty led Ulbrichts Great Offensive.

 

* * *

 

 

“Jax, may I ask you a question?”

It was a bright, sunny day in the deep forests of Edan. Jax and Falk were hunting some mutants for reasons Jax didn't want to tell his companion. Not like Falk questioned their hunting – _well, not until know_ , Jax thought. He must've seen that Jax was collecting machine parts, scrap and – pure Elex.

“Shoot”, he said, watching a beast in the distant.

“Why should I shoot you? Or do you want me to shoot the mutant?”

“That... that's just a saying, it means- just... just ask what you wanted to ask me.”

“Okay. Have you ever been addicted to Elex?”

Jax frowned.

“You... already asked me that. Before we did your upgrade. When we were searching for the electric parts.”

“I know.”

“Are you trying to suggest me again, Falk?”

“... No.”

Jax threw a glance at the beast, but it seemed like it didn't recognize the two men and so he turned around. Carefully he watched Falk but the cleric had the same honest, curious and somewhat naive look on his face like always.

“But you didn't gave me an answer back then. And I'm curious why we are searching for so much Elex today. I noticed that you have a lot of headaches these days. And you seemed angry at people lately. A lot. But you also spared those cleric heretics. I noticed that mercy is a heavy kind of emotion you didn't had when we first met.”

Jax blinked in surprise. “Well... I-” he started but cut himself off and frowned again. Falk was a good observer, that's for sure, but it took Jax by surprise that he obviously was so interested in _him_. But most surprising to Jax was the fact that Falk didn't sound like he was judging. He really was just intrigued.

“... I think that this is not your business” Jax finally said and watched him cautiously.

“Hm”, Falk thought loud, “That's not logically. I consider myself to be your friend and weapon companion. For a successful hunting it would be wise to tell me what we're searching for. It's faster and easier this way.”

“Yeah we're hunting mutants for their mutantparts”, Jax said and was about to turn around again, to grab his Lasergun and shoot at the oblivious beast 30 meter ahead.

“I wondered why Nasty led the warmachines for Ulbricht and not you”, Falk said and it made Jax freeze again. “I figured there could be only one reason-” - “That I'm not _pure_. Yeah.” Jax finally sighed in defeat, lowered his gun, but didn't face Falk.

“I was... and maybe still am... addicted to pure Elex. They made me eat it since I was very young. It made me powerful. In fact it made me to one of the most powerful Alb Commanders ever.” There was a long silence and for a moment Jax didn't even want to face Falk. Somehow... somewhere deep inside him... he didn't want Falk to be disappointed of him. Nasty knew who he was, Ray knew and Arx, of course. But Falk didn't until now and for reasons he couldn't name Jax was glad for that. He didn't know why Falks opinion would even concern him so much. But as a matter of fact: it did.

“I see. Thank you for telling me”, Falk said finally. “I understand your pain but maybe it's a good time to stop the Elex consume once and for all?”

Jax bit his lower lip and shook his head.

“I don't like what the detox is doing to me. I don't like what I'm becoming.” _A weakling with feelings and no power, forced to seek help from the free people, forced to seek help from the damn Clerics with their stupid god._

“You're trying to solve problems without violence. You're helping people. You're making hard decisions based on what you _feel_ is right and not what you _think_. I may not be a specialist when it comes to emotions. But I like the man you're becoming.” Jax couldn't help but smile lightly. Falk closed the gab between them, standing right next to him now. He took out his flamethrower and pointed at the beast they were lurking at. “Let's finish up what we are here for. Oh. And don't think I didn't saw your smile there. It's an interesting view to see you smile.”

Jax sighed but couldn't help that his smile got wider.

_Ah dammit, Falk. You lovely dork._

 

 


	3. Dammit, Falk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Yeah”, he said, “It's quite a view.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know that windmill in Abessa...?  
> Well, here's a story that is highly inspired by my trip to the top of it... I would like to offer a screenshot but I don't know how to add pictures at all.  
> Thanks for reading and please note that english isn't my native language, so please forgive me my mistakes - but feel free to show them to me :)  
> Also I have to say that I play Elex on german. I try my best to get Falks way-of-speaking right and in-character, but I just don't know how he talks in english.

“I surmise this is some sort of shrine by the people of yesterday. They probably used it to pray to their God of Wind who would bless them with electricity in return” Falk explained enthusiastic.

“Really?” Jax frowned.

“I can't know for sure. But I'm pretty positive. Let's look around maybe we'll find evidence for my hypothesis.” And with these words Falk already wandered off to that strange, large _thing._

Well to Jax it looked like a giant, strange, white windmill. But he couldn't see anything related to crop, not even an entrance, nothing. Just a high, solid pillar with gigantic, old wind wheels on top of it. Jax had no idea what that thing could've been used for. So, whatever, Falk could just be right.

But there was something... strange.

 

“Do you see that?” Jax asked and pointed at a few ridiculously fragile wooden platforms on the side of the windmill- _thing_. “What are these for?” He turned to Falk. His companion seemed deep in thought – he did that index-finger-to-chin-thing and Hmm'ed.

“Well these are old stairs. They aren't whole anymore, as we can see, but I guess they were used to get to the top of the shrine and offer the Old God some odds and ends.”

To Jax these _stairs_ didn't match the rest of the architecture of that building but well, what ever strange theory about the old world would make Falk happy.

“Hmm... so there's a chance that old stuff is up there, right? Maybe really nice, old Tech? Weapons?”, Jax mentioned and suddenly Falk turned around with shining eyes.

“I agree, there must treasure up there!”

“But-”

“It will be an interesting adventure to get on top of it.” Full of that kind of enthusiasm Falk specially showed when exploring buildings of the old world, he grabbed Jax' hand and pulled him with him.

“Dammit Falk, would you _please_ hold on for a second!” Jax wrenched his hand out of Falks grab and hold him by his shoulders – with both hands, to make sure he wouldn't ran off. “I really appreciate your enthusiasm when it comes to... exploring. But these things? They don't look like they would hold you.”

Falk blinked. He gave Jax' words a thought. Blinked again and tilted his head a bit.

“What do you mean? I can use my Jetpack just as well as you.”

Jax sighed. “No. Look at those wooden platforms. They barley hold. See? That one is even loosing one of it's planks right now. Falk... did it come to your mind that you're maybe heavier than me? Heavier than the average human...?”

Falk stayed quite for a few seconds.

“Are you insulting my weight?” he asked and looked down at himself, wondering if he got fat.

“Nooo! Dammit, Falk, you're made of metal and not bones and squishy flesh. You saw cleric warmachines. Doesn't it strikes you that you, I don't know, have a similar skeleton...?”

“Oh” Falk said and dropped his gaze. “You're right. I forgot.” - “Forgot what?” - “That I'm not human.” He shrugged but then smirked a strange, sad smile. “Odd, don't you think? That I would forget something important like that for a second over my enjoyment of our discovery.”

“I-” Jax started but he didn't really know what to say. Empathy sure wasn't his strength. Of course he tried, sometimes at least, but he'd still had a long way to go. Thank god Falk was usually as bad as he was when it came to emotions, so the sudden sadness of his companion stroked him as odd. Specially because Falk never made the expression to be unhappy with himself being a machine.

Jax cleared his throat.

“I... will go up there and tell you what I've seen and I promise I'll bring any loot to you.”

Falk nodded. “I guess there will be an interesting view from the top of this shrine.”

Ah dammit. Falk loved unusual landscapes and _fascinating views,_ like he would call them.

Finally Falk sighed lightly and folded his arms. “I'll wait here.”

 

Jax'd imagined jetpacking his way up there far easier that it actually was. There was so much wind!Why was there so much wind? Navigating was a real struggle and the wood platforms seemed smaller to Jax than they looked from below, which actually was strange, cause they'd already looked so small from down there. He knew that the energy of his Jetpack wasn't enough to get to the top in one hop, he had to claim platform after platform and wait for the recharge. And if he would miss one, he would fall down, without any energy left to save him from ending up transforming into a bloody pancake.

“This is how I'm going to die”, he mumbled, pressing his back against the solid of the pillar while he waited for his Jetpack to recharge. “This is stupid and this is how I'm going to die. Kallax would probably laugh about this if he had any humor to begin with.”

He looked down.

Oh Calaan why did he look down.

 

He saw a miniature Falk waving up to him. Jax waved back, to assure him that everything was alright.

 _It was not_.

He'd never been afraid of heights. He'd flown a Glider. He'd been standing on top of the highest mountains of Xarcor. He used a Jetpack to fly around. Jax, the beast of Xarcor, was _not_ afraid of heights.

Or maybe he was. In the end fear was a feeling after all.

“Fuck”, he mumbled to himself, closing his eyes and concentrating on what was above him and not underneath him.

He heard a strange sound. Jax opened his eyes in a slight feel of panic because that noise clearly came from a Jetpack. He just saw Falk landing right next to him. He could hear a dangerous crackling from the old wood and pressed his back even harder at the concrete.

“What the-?! Dammit Falk! What are you doing here?!” he hissed through gritted teeth.

“I changed my mind” was the answer. Falk was just standing at the bare edge of the platform; Jax was hardly able to watch this.

“Changed your-?! I told you to wait below!”

“Actually you didn't. I said I'll wait for you, but I changed my mind. I want to be up there.”

Jax was lost for words. He just stood there, blinking at Falk. There really wasn't enough space for two people on this platform. Even though Jax pressed his back at the pillar and Falk was literally standing with his heels on nothing, both men stood very close to each other.

“Jax”, Falk started with an prying tone, “Are you afraid of heights?”

“No”, Jax lied, “But I actually don't like dying, does that surprise you?” Falk shifted a bit – the platform creaked and Jax held his breath.

“Do me a damn favor and go to the next platform, will ya?” he growled, trying hard not to look down at his feet.

“Okay” Falk just said lightly and then used his Jetpack in a way Jax could only dream about. Falk made it look so easy when he was doing it, so damn easy to get at the top of this giant what-ever-it-may-be-windmill-thing. At least it wasn't far anymore, but the last few meters were the hardest. Some platforms were missing and Jax had to fly around the pillar to get to the next one – or try to land on the ones that were moving with the wind wheels but that was just crazy. Falk went first and he assured him that it would work. Jax took a final, deep breath and then went for it. But with the harsh wind and the fact that this time he had to get around and not only up the pillar, it was a close call. And when he reached the top of the windmill, with the last remaining energy of his Jetpack, he thought to be safe – but he was wrong. He slipped at the round edges, lost his balance – and fell. The only thought that occurred him was an angry _fuck!_

In such moments the time seemed to slow down. It wasn't new to Jax - he had often faced death. But not like this. Not cause of stupid gravity. Thoughts rushed through his head. Maybe there was a little bit of energy left, something that would safe him from a hard, deadly impact with the ground... but then he felt a hard grip at his wrist. Pain rushed through his hand, his arm, but that sure didn't bother him.

With eyes wide open he was dangling from the top of the windmill. “I'm helping you” Falk said happy and pulled him easily up, with just one hand, like Jax had no weight at all.

 

Finally and on all four Jax crawled to the middle of the windmilltop. He was breathing heavy and was pretty sure that this was cause to fear. “Well this just gone well again” Falk said, watching Jax getting back on his feet. “I didn't knew you're that strong”, Jax mumbled, slowly gaining his composure again, “Must be the upgrade?”

Falk nodded. “I agree. It really made me... better in many ways. I'm learning so much by traveling with you.” He tried a light smile and Jax just though that it suited him. He frowned. Yeah. So he's been on the brink of death and crushed on Falks smile and strength and it was ridiculous. _Dammit, Falk._

“Anyway”, Jax started and eyed the platform they were standing on, “thanks for... saving my life.”

Falks smile got wider. “Of course. That what friends are for, right?”

 

At least they were right about the treasure. There was some really interesting stuff up there, but not only that... someone has put a chair on top of this giant, white building. Only a stupid poser would do that, Jax thought and immediately sat down in it. Felt good. Like he defeated the height and claimed the highest point in Abessa. And of course the seat came with a gorgeous view.

 

“This is a fantastic perspective! Truly an interesting and beautiful scenic view, delighting the senses” Falk said with joy. “I think I feel... emotional admiration.” He was standing at the rim, letting his gaze wander over the landscapes. One could see the snowy mountains of Xarcor, Dome City and even the fires of Ignadon from here. But Jax eyes were locked on Falks back.

“Yeah”, he said, “It's quite a view.”

 


	4. Unwinding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Life's fucked up and short. Just do it. Once in a while... you need to unwind. We'll all die anyway, probably. You for sure. You're on a suicide mission, basically. So what are you afraid of?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place after completing Nastys personal quests. Somehow my Jax and Nasty became best friends in the game and I seriously have no idea how that happend but here we are. If Nasty seems to be a bit out of character in this chapter then it's because I think her character in the game is quite boring and two-dimensional.  
> Behold language though; Nasty has dialogue.

“Yo, asshole.”

Jax closed his eyes and sighed silently. _Why._ Why was it impossible to sneak through the camp after an exhausting day without running into someone and why did it have to be Nasty.

“What.” He turned around, facing her. Something seemed off. Nasty was smiling. Okay, it was more a cracked smirk and there was something in her eyes, like a predator watching his prey. 

“I get it”, she said and bit her lower lip, while her gaze wandered over Jax' face, his neck, his body. “Your up-tight behavior, clerics, revenge and blabla. But Jax do you never loosen up? Unwind, maybe just for a night?”

Jax frowned.  _What._

He sighed again. “I have no idea what you want Nasty. And honestly I'm too tired to figure it out myself.” Nasty rolled her eyes and stood with her hands on her hips. Bugged out she let out a groan.

“You're so _dense_ when it comes to affection, boy. But look I'll make it easy for you. I like what I'm seeing. I'm seriously keen on your _ass._ And besides that you've been... I don't know, you're like the only person who seem to give a crap about me.” She shrugged. “So are we going to fuck or what?”

Jax blinked slowly.  _WHAT._ When did he made the impression that he wanted to  _fuck_ her? That thought never occurred him. 

“Woah”, he said, “I think you got me wrong, Nasty.”

She tilted her head, narrowed her eyes. Her voice became a deadly whisper. “You're saying you don't want me? I'm humble enough to ride your virgin Albdick and you don't want me to?”

For a moment Jax thought she would burst out into an outrage, but he didn't care, just held her gaze and nodded slowly. But Nasty didn't burst into anger – she burst into laughter. 

“Okay that's something new. Your not into me. Wow. I mean even Arx is creeping. I'm sure he wants a bite from that ass”, she laughed and patted her butt.

“Yeah I'm sure he wants a bite...”, Jax mumbled under his breath, when Nasty flung an arm around his shoulder. She made him turn around and pointed at the campfire, where Caja and Ray could be seen.

“But don't tell me it's because of _her_ ”, she said, pointing at Caja. She really sounded pissed.

“Caja?” Jax said sceptical. “She's a better Elex tracking hound and not much else.” 

Nasty cackled. “Yeah that she is. Boring Berserker bitch. So it's not Caja... and it's not me.” She went silent for a moment, then grinning wide and dirty. “Ohh. Ohhh. May it be, my albish asshole friend, that you're not into my fine body... because you're not looking for a women?” 

_WHAT?!_

“Nasty, what-”

“Is it Ray? You two are close buddies. And he has this stupid outlaw charm.”

“For Calaans sake, Nast-”

“Naaa it's not Ray. You're buddies. That's it.” Her gaze wandered further, still an arm around Jax' shoulder who was about to twist out of this _hug_.

“But don't tell me it's Duras. I mean he's kinda hot. Got that pumped up body. But he's so dull and boring, come on Jax, you can do better. Berserkers are shit anyway.”

“Nasty I have no id-”

“Woah, Jax, woah. It's not Arx, is it?”

Jax blinked. “What? Arx?! Why would I... why would _anyone_ to begin with...” he started angry but Nasty just laughed it off. Jax hmpfed. “Okay, I got it. That was a joke.” She was still laughing. Jax on the other hand finally managed to get away from her. “Really fun talk, Nasty. Really”, he said sarcastically. “But I need my bed. I'm not in the mood for your... your... whatever this is. I can only grab a few hours of sleep before Falk and me-”

Nasty stopped laughing. “Falk?” she interrupted him and her gaze wandered to the Android who was leaning at a rail, watching the stars.

“What”, Jax wanted to know and could already feel embarrassment winding up in him. Fuck those emotions. He still couldn't handle yet control them. Nasty watched him. A devilish smirked formed on her lips.

“He's just a machine”, Jax defended himself, even though Nasty didn't say a thing. “And I clearly don't have a thing for him. In fact I don't have a thing for anyone. I'm a pretty busy man and don't intend to go deeper on this emotionshit just because my body ran out of Elex.”

“Go for it, Jax”, she suddenly said and put a hand on his shoulder, holding his gaze.

“Excuse me?”

“Go for it. For him. Trust me on this one. Life's fucked up and short. Just do it. The worst that could happen is that he just doesn't understand what you want. Once in a while... you need to unwind. We'll all die anyway, one sooner one later. You soon; for sure. You're on a suicide mission, basically. So what are you afraid of?”

“Nasty, I don't-”

“Shut your damn mouth and trust me on this one, will ya?”

And Jax shut his mouth. He took her hand from his shoulder, turned away and took the path directly to his room.

 

But he couldn't keep her words from echoing in his head.

_Life's fucked up and short. Just do it._

 

 


	5. No man is an Island

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jax doesn't like parties. In fact there isn't much in this world he does like. But it's still time to find some happiness at last.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is by far the longest chapter of this series of ficlets. But I'm sure it's worth the read. It takes place far ahead in the mainquest, concerning The Camp in the Center questline.  
> It will also contain some heavy Jax/Falk romantic stuff, you've been warned.  
> Btw I just learned that Falk really sounds like a Robot in the english version. He sounds more natural in the german one, I like that more.  
> As always please remember that english isn't my native language so please forgive me my mistakes - but feel free to show them to me. And if you like what I did, I love comments and Kudos alike.

_No man is an island, this I know_  
_But can't you see or...?_  
_Or maybe you were the ocean, when I was just a stone_  
  
_But here we are_

 

**Ben Howard – Black Flies**

**-**

 

And then they'd won. A part of Jax still couldn't believe it, even after he killed their Albcommander, even after Nasty crushed the last of their Warmachines, even after Arx beheaded the last Albsoldier. The chanting voices of victory filled the battlefield and Jax couldn't help it – a proud smile formed on his face. Now Xarcor knew that the free people, that the Camp of the Center, weren't helpless. And that he was with them. And that he would bring every Elexetor down if he had to. Jax was satisfied with the battle. Lloyd had been right all along, even when Jax didn't believe in himself. Even with the Elex detox, with the loss if his powers, he still was a great commander. This battle was proof. He made an army out of a handful of random people, not everyone even skilled in fighting, against the best equipped, most disciplined and highest trained army in the known world.

And his companions also proofed their worth. Duras and Nasty had been at the front, Caja and Falk had given them a taste of fire from mighty berserk magic and a flamethrower. Ray and C.R.O.N.Y had been sniping Alb after Alb and Arx, well... Arx was basically a reckless warmachine who didn't even care for a second that he was fighting his own kind.

 

And Jax... he had felt strength again. Not his old power, not the power of pure, raw Elex. But all the training in Ignadon paid of. Of course he didn't really felt like he belonged to the Clerics but he sure got used to their powers.

 

A few hours have passed and people prepared a party for the evening and the night. Of course Nasty and Ray were the leaders of the partyorganisation, even though Nasty only shouted instructions and Ray was busy getting all kinds of alcohol; no one knew where he got it from and no one dared to ask. Actually everyone seemed to be in a festive mood. Everyone but Jax. He just didn't get it. Of course it was great that they defeated the onrush of the Alb. But he'd won so many fights and battles and never felt the need to _celebrate._ Why waste daylight like that when you could also do something useful instead? But even though Lloyd said otherwise, Jax didn't feel like their leader and so he would let them have their party – he just wouldn't participate in it.

After gathering up some equipment and weapons Jax met up with Falk who was watching the partybusiness with high interest.

“Come on Falk, there's lot to do”, he said and already turned away, facing the Teleporter. Falk would sure follow him like always - but he didn't. Instead he was asking questions – again.

“Why don't we stay?” he wondered. There was no allegation in these words just pure, naive interest.

Jax stopped and turned around. He folded his arms above his chest and frowned.

“I don't like parties” he said. The Android tilted his head a bit, watching Jax.

“Have you ever participated in one?”

“No... not really, I suppose.”

“Then how do you know that you don't like parties?”

Good question.

“Well I don't need to attend to a party to know that I wouldn't like it. Its all about drinking and people just talk about useless stuff and are noisy and probably dance. I see no reason to want that.”

Falk gave his words a long thought. Then he nodded.

“You're talking about 'having fun'. You don't like to have fun?” Falk concluded with this ridiculous, honest curiosity in his voice.

“I do like having fun but a stupid party is just not my idea of fun” Jax snarled grumpy.

“I've never seen you having fun, Jax. Honestly I think we should stay and celebrate our victory with the other people.”

“Oh what would you know about that anyway, Falk!”, Jax responded angry, “It's not like you have an idea about being _people_ at all. We're different, you and me. Get it already. The sooner you finally understand that, the better.”

Falk went silent and lowered his gaze. Jax immediately regret his words. He's been speaking out of impulsive anger and he really didn't like being impulsive at all. But it gotten worse, day after day. He could feel it. And even the fact that he got angry on Falk made him angry again. When would that stop? How much Elexpotions did he had to craft in secret until he would have cold, bold logic and sanity again?

Jax sighed and closed the gab between them. “Look, Falk... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to shout at you. But you need to understand: you and me, we are different. We're not like them. We're not like Caja, Ray, Duras or Nasty... and I know you desperately want to be, well... human but you have to face the fact that you aren't.” Ridiculous, he thought. Jax wanted his feelings to be gone and Falk wanted to learn to have feelings.

“I'm okay with not being human”, Falk finally said and for once he sounded... different. Sad, maybe? “But I'm not okay with you mocking me or telling me how to think and what to feel and what to do. And I'm interested in this party. I want to learn how people celebrate and update my programming about celebrations. If you want to go on that mission tonight, you have to do it yourself or find someone else. I recommend C.R.O.N.Y. U4. Good evening, Jax.” And with these words he sold Jax down the river and left to gather with the rest of the Camp.

 

-

 

Jax returned later that night. He was exhausted, to say the least. It had been a tough mission and he clearly missed Falks backline flamethrower attacks when he fought that Chimera. Those mutants were so easy to handle when Falk and he teamed up but they turned out to be a horrible threat when he tried to fight them alone.

The Teleporter wasn't far from his private rooms but still Jax didn't go there immediately, like he planned to do. Even though it was close to midnight, he could still hear the voices that filled the air: laughter, music, chatter. The red and orange flames of many campfires ignited the darkness and even here, aside from the party, he could feel the warmth. Jax pondered for a few moments. Maybe he should take a look, at least to see if everything and everyone was fine.

He still felt sorry about what he said to Falk and it kinda bugged him out that he just couldn't let that go. But Falk, he'd just been so hurt. He's never seen him like that. It bothered Jax. And it bothered him even more, that it bothered him.

He was leaning on a rail and watched the different groups. Of course the one were Nasty could be found was the loudest. The devilish women was telling a bunch of men and women stories about her and Jax defeating all kinds of horrible monsters and mutants. She clearly was drunk and clearly had fun.

 

Jax startled when he heard someone stepping beside him.

“Ray, dammit. Stop doing that”, he growled. The Outlaw just grinned and hold up a bottle.

“You're late, buddy. But thats okay. Here, have a drink.”

Jax didn't grab the flask Ray was holding so the Outlaw shook it a bit an raised an eyebrow.

“It's good stuff”, he intended, “Strong, good stuff. But I could always get you an Elexpotion, if you want to...”

Jax huffed and grabbed the bottle, taking a sip. Yep, that was strong stuff but he didn't even twitch.

“Miss me with that. I should go easy on the Potions anyway. Either way I will never learn how to be a _decent human being_ ” he said accentuated. Ray chuckled but dropped that matter.

“You missed Duras' and Cajas show off of traditional Berserker dances. It was kinda... brutal, to be honest?”

Jax shook is head. “I'm pretty sure I didn't want to see that. I'm not getting _any_ of this” he said, pointing at the whole party with a wide gesture.

“Ah you never stroke me as the party guy anyway”, Ray said and took the bottle back from Jax to take a slug himself. Unlike Jax he grimaced on the strong alcohol.

“Have you seen Falk?” Jax asked all of a sudden.

“Well yes, he was with us an hour ago but I don't think he felt that comfortable and left to sit on the hill. Probably watching the stars again, he does that pretty often. Or wandering around the ruins. Hey did you know that he can chug down a lot of beer without feeling any thing? I'm kinda jealous!”

“Yeah, I can imagine...”

“Yo, Jax, we're you going...?”

“Making an apology.”

 

-

 

Jax found Falk sitting in the grass, gazing upon the clear nightsky, like Ray had foretold.

“So, do you like parties?” the former Albcommander asked, looking down on his companion.

“They are fun. But I do like exploring and stargazing more.”

“May I... sit down?”

“Of course.”

Kinda awkwardly Jax sat down besides Falk. The grass was cold and a bit damp. For moments they just stood silent. Falk was still watching the sky and Jax was thinking about his next words.

“Look”, he finally started with a frustrated sigh, “I really am sorry. I'm not here to tell you what to think and what to feel and I just tell you what to do when it's in battle. I didn't want to make you feel bad. Heck, I didn't even know you _can_ feel bad!”

“Well, I can”, Falk started without taking away his gaze from the stars. “I can feel bad and sad like I can feel joy and excitement. I learned that. I'm programmed to blend in perfectly with humans. I may not understand everything when it comes to emotions, but I try to. And every day I get better at it.”

Jax felt even more awkward now. Falk admitting of being capable to feel sad just made him realize that he really has been miserable about Jax words and reaction.

“Yeah that was my bad. I mean I was the one who gave you the electric parts for your upgrade, right?” he tried to joke but it was just more awkward; like every time he wanted to be funny. Which wasn't often, thankfully.

“I have read something interesting in an old book a few days ago”, Falk said. “There was a line. It said: _no man is an island_. I thought about it. Do you feel like being an island, Jax?” Finally he turned his head and met Jax' gaze. The former Albcommander gave his words a thought.

“I'm not entirely sure what this means, but I probably am? I mean I am surrounded by nothing. Going back to the Albs is no option but I don't feel like I belong to the free people either...”

Falk nodded. “I am able to understand you. I wandered around the lands trying to make friends but every person I met just took advantage of my strength, my weapons or my abilities.” Jax bit his lip and felt caught. He did exactly the same with Falk. At least when he first met him. But things have changed... or have they? “And when I returned to my Master”, Falk continued, “with you at my side and I learned about my being, I got to know that this was my purpose all along: being the ultimate fighting machine.”

“But that's not what you want”, Jax concluded and found himself laying a hand on Falks shoulder. Either the Android didn't recognize that or he didn't mind.

“Correct” he just nodded.

“Well...”, Jax started with lowered voice and suddenly he felt so damn connected. Nastys words came back into his mind: _Life's fucked up and short. Just do it. The worst that could happen is that he just doesn't understand what you want. Once in a while... you need to unwind. We'll all die anyway, one sooner one later. You soon; for sure. You're on a suicide mission, basically. So what are you afraid of?_

Falk met his gaze. It was hard to read anything in these somewhat naive, somewhat heavily curiously eyes. Jax bit his lower lip again. He wasn't sure how to do this – he had no idea at all. But thankfully his arm had some kind of self awareness and wandered further, his hand finally laying down on the other mans lower back.

“The book also said that no man is an island, or... has to be one... and I guess I'm the best example for taking fate in your own hands... so why shouldn't you do the same?” Jax mentioned. He wasn't used to be nervous. But heck, he was no coward. And maybe it was time to stop being alone – he's been alone for too long. Maybe it was time to give in. To accept that he had feelings. Strong feelings.

It was a good sign, he thought nervously, that Falk hasn't tried to get away from him yet. The Android also didn't move when Jax leaned in, slowly, not sure what step would come up next. But just when Jax decided to say to himself _fuck it, let's just do this_ a loud outcry startled both of them.

 

Immediately Jax pulled away and was on his feet.

“That was Cajas voice, wasn't it?” he said alarmed.

“Jax, I think I saw a fireball” Falk mentioned and pointed down at the village, where the partypeople held the party. A moment later he heard another shout: it was full of curses and he didn't had to recognize Nastys voice to knew it was her.

“That can't be...”, he mumbled frustrated, “Those two damn women...!” and with these words he went down to see what the fuck those two were up to again. Probably killing each other. Yep, he realized when he appeared, they fought each other. With every weapon they had. _Great._ No one really cared to step in except for Duras, but he paid for that with a burnmark and an ugly swordwound on his arm.

For a second or two Jax just couldn't believe it. Just today both fought side by side against the Alb and now they tried to _kill_ each other over... what? Probably over something totally insifignant.

He had to get them apart.

 

Yet Falk was still sitting in the grass. He could hear the fighting and he could also hear a really pissed Jax shouting at the women, but Falk was deep in thought. He tried to understand what just happened between him and Jax. After a while he stood up and went to search for Ray.

He found the Outlaw away from the others, watching the bitchfight from a save distance.

“Ray, may I ask you a question?”

“Hm?” Ray turned around, recognizing Falk before he looked back at the fight. “Sure, go ahead, buddy.”

“I assume you know a lot about intimate and romantic involvement.”

Suddenly the show down there became totally uninteresting to Ray and with a questioning face he fully turned to Falk.

“Do I make that impression...? Well uh... sure. I know a lot about these things. Uhm... what do you need to know?”

“How do I get someone to kiss me?”

Ray was fully baffled by that question. For a few seconds he even forgot to breath. Until finally he found his voice again.

“Well... you have to make sure she likes you, talk to her, and-”

“Why do you say 'her'? Does that only work on women?”

“Uh... ehm... no. I mean... uh... it also works on men, I guess. So... make sure she or... he likes you, be talkative, maybe find out what she – or he – likes and make a present and... watch out for close physical contact, if she or he does that it's probably a good sign and... what... why do you want to know that, Falk?”

“That's not of your concern. Thank you for your information, Ray.”

“But wh-” Ray couldn't even finish his sentence when Falk already left. And he sure left a very confused Outlaw who slowly, very slowly gained an idea of what was happening... and he couldn't help but shake his head and smile after all.

 

-

 

Jax was totally bugged out when he slammed his door to his room. The night had been shit, starting with that argument with Falk and that Chimera and then, when it was about the get better, Caja and Nasty had to ruin it in total. Thankfully no one was really harmed, not even Duras who clearly shouldn't have gotten between the two furious women.

When he entered his bedroom he didn't even recognize that someone was waiting, so he nearly jumped in surprise when he saw Falk sitting on the desk.

“Falk. What are you doing here. In my bedroom. At this hour.”

“I brought you something” the Android said unimpressed and stood up to close the gap between him and Jax. He held out his hand – and what Jax saw in there made him take in a sharp breath.

“Why are you bringing me pure Elex? And where did you get that?” he said oppressing the urge to grab the blue shard.

“I wanted to gift you something you like. And I know you like pure Elex. Ray told me to give you a present if I want you to kiss me.”

The blue shard was forgotten. Jax just stared at Falk, disbelieve in his eyes.

“You-”, he started but had no idea what to say next.

“Yes. I know you wanted to when we were sitting on the hill.” Falk smiled happily. “I'm not stupid, Jax.” He took a step closer. Jax felt his heart beating faster but he also felt a rush of joy. One thing with Falk was that he wasn't complicated. Jax was thankful for that.

“Forget that Elex. I mean... thank you. But you didn't had to. You just had to say a word...” Jax couldn't help but sigh these words when he lifted his arm and let his hand slide up against Falks neck. His skin was warm. For a second he bothered to think about why Falk was so warm, he shouldn't be warm, a robot shouldn't feel that warm, but then he didn't care. It felt good. It felt real. And just giving in felt good and real too and when he brought his face down to Falk he felt no regret at all. At fist their kiss was clumsy and they both had to chuckle lightly because neither of them had an idea how to do this but soon things became self-reliant. And while Jax pressed Falk against the stone wall, deepening their kiss and while Falk hold onto him, his hands wandering over his back, Jax finally knew what happiness felt like.

 


End file.
